


If You Could Have Stayed

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Carl dies, First Person, Love Confessions, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Reminiscent, Sadness, True Love, sad negan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 14:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13549188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: Sometimes our one true love fades but that love never does.Negan reminisces on the love and loss of Carl Grimes.





	If You Could Have Stayed

**Author's Note:**

> So I started to update Not The daddy and got lazy so I decided to read instead but then this sad plot crept in my head.

If you could have stayed I would have given you the world. I slaughtered Glenn and Abraham and laughed at their deaths and threatened to take your arm. Thing is when I saw those pretty blue eyes I was enchanted.

I told myself it was wrong. You were badass but broken, beautiful but hardened, hurt but thriving. I took your shit, terrorized your family and stole your comics. I dared not bend them, they stayed in my bedroom mint condition where I read them knowing your eyes scanned across the very same pages, I wished they could have been enjoyed by you in a walker free world.

I forced you to sing, my insides gutted when I made you cry as you spoke of your mother. I realized I wished I never met you then because I loved you, if we didn't meet then it meant this world didn't exist, that you grew up as an innocent child into an adult. Without me in your existence college would have been your next step.

Witnessing your love for Judith warned me, you screaming at your dad amused me, when you stood up to me I respected you. When you died it killed me.

I thought my heart left with Lucille but it didn't, it was revived and as a cruel cosmic joke it died again. I killed too many, did too much wrong and my repentance came at your life given.

Your dad is my best friend now, the Alexandrian’s my friends. I provide for them, protect them, fight alongside them. This is all done in your memory, it's only because it's what you would have wanted. Suddenly my heart throbs again. Carol hands me the rolls with no stink eye, Judith calls me uncle, Rick laughs at all my dick jokes. I would die for them and they would sacrifice for me because we're family. I find myself living with them by choice instead.

Yet my heart bleeds open non stopping in it's gaping wound. When Sarah hits on me it hurts so bad because I say I'm taken, don't even remember in that moment you're gone. I cry because it's like losing you all over again. I am taken Carl because your ghost claims me.

Memories keep me awake. I see sky blue turning cloudy gray while you plead, your pale face pressing that gun closer. “Do it.” You say with easy acceptance. It was an honor seeing you last, badass and wide eyed as if challenging the grim reaper himself. If only I told you I loved you I would have no regrets. Still the nightmares wake me up when sleep does come because I know what your eyes said back. “I love you too.”


End file.
